Did Your Working Friends Desert You?

In all times of crisis and pain, people feel so overwhelmed and afraid and with those feelings comes the isolation they complain about. “No one knows the troubles I’ve seen” says an old song.

People who lost jobs and anything else for that matter feel alienated, abandoned and taken for granted. Relatives seem to expect the same expensive gifts at Christmastime and birthdays that you gave them when you had the money to spend. And while many of my unemployed clients tell me that friends hardly call or return calls and relatives just seem to slip into the woodwork, perhaps their isolation compounds the reality. Perhaps you’re feeling awkward and embarrassed for your friend. Perhaps you don’t know what to say to him or her to make it better. Perhaps your friend’s misfortune fills you with fear of the possibility of losing your job.

You don’t want to obligate your friend with invitations to go out but you also don’t want your laid off friend to feel like a charity case. Your friend, on the other hand, may be feeling frightened, resentful and rejected by the situation and sometimes those feelings are commuted to fellowships and relationships. These are all very human, conflicting feelings whenever we see others suffer any of life’s setbacks and losses.

There are lots of things working friends and relatives who care can do to ease that heavy, lonesome feeling of the weary jobless jobseeker, especially at this tender time of year…

Invite him or her over for home gatherings or dinner. Rent a video and relax with them, no pressure. This way, inviting them to your home rather than going out to a restaurant or bar, your buddy on unemployment benefits won’t feel obligated or ‘put on the spot’ embarrassed that they don’t have the money to go out. Plan outings to keep them socially and psychologically in the loop of living that doesn’t cost them anything. Include them in your church social group for a sense of belonging, camaraderie, as well as networking. If you do meet out in Starbucks, treat them to a coffee, if in a bar, treat them to a drink, so they don’t feel so awkward. Ask your gym for a complimentary guest pass and offer a night out to your unemployed friend.

The benefits of exercise and pleasant distraction are so well known by now that these need no further clarification. Keep your non working friend or relative in mind should you hear of something. It is always encouraging and buoys their spirits even if no job materializes. And definitely send them a job lead or two, if you can! Don’t ask your actively job searching friend or relative each time you see him or her how they are doing in their job search or talk about jobs incessantly making them recant frustrating and aggravating circumstances and interview experiences and resumes sent to the black hole cyber cemetery. (As a career counselor, I learned this the hard way. People want to forget and enjoy themselves!)

If you’re a relative or friend who usually exchanges gifts, don’t expect the same generous gifts you may have received in the past. Instead, if asked, tell him/her you want something that just so happens to cost ten dollars or less. Of course you’d rather not get anything from the person struggling with bills and no income, but saying so, might make them feel worse.

If YOU are working, don’t stop buying the usual value gift for them. Any allowance you make for their jobless situation is the best thing you, who are working, can do for them. An old song claims the best things in life are free. With so much job loss and economic downturn, people are finding new ways to be a family and community and enjoy each other. They’ve downscaled from being downsized and now are free to discover simple joys and pleasures they might have forgotten while pursuing the illusive American Dream.

-By The Job Enthusiast Who Won’t Rest Till Everyone Is Put To Work!

Read more posts from The Job Enthusiast here.