Ed. Note: Be sure to read Part 1 of “The Interview” here.

I have been through many strange experiences, however this has to be one of the strangest. I am about to have an interview with and extraterrestrial being and I am going to ask him about employment issues on his world? All because Great Britain may become a safe haven for extraterrestrials?

As I am writing this for the 405 club I did not want to deal with many other questions that raced through my mind, like, how far is your home from this world and what technology can you share with us. I jotted down some questions that I thought would be be interesting and thought provoking. The fifteen minutes went quickly. I dialed up the number that Charlie provided to me.

As my web cam connected, I could not believe what I was seeing. “Albert” had an elongated face, almost as if someone took his face and stretched it wide as if it were silly putty. I found myself fascinated by the eight nostrils, but I could not see the details clearly on my web-cam. In any case, I had to focus on the questions at hand. This was no time to freeze. I decided it was best to start with a simple introduction.

Here is how the interview went down.

HK: Albert, good morning. You can call me Howard.

Albert: Good Morning Howard. Sorry if I seem tired. Good news spreads really fast!

HK: Forgive me for being naive, but I the only good news is that there was a small decrease in the unemployment rate

Albert: Oh yes, Charlie had told me you wanted to focus on our labor issues and how our people contribute to our society. However this is a really big day for us. You have no idea how difficult it has been to find a place where our people could visit and remain anonymous. With Great Britain ceasing their UFO operations, it means we can finally live somewhere without the government following up on these..I believe you call them illegal alien issues. So my friends and I had a big celebration last night.

HK: Yes…. I imagine it would be a very good reason to celebrate. Albert, although there are so many questions I would like to ask, I know we do not have much time so I will get right to the point. How much do you know about the US recession and the high unemployment rate?

Albert: We check on many civilizations, so we know something about your country’s issues. We have solved problems like these through technology.

HK: Can you tell me how you utilized technology to solve your employment problems?

Albert: Our technology is far more advanced than yours. Actually, where we live, unemployment is non existent.

HK: How did you manage to eradicate unemployment?

Albert: Please correct me if I’m wrong, but my understanding is that your world has not yet mastered time travel?

HK: We do not have time travel technology. If we did, however, wouldn’t that cause all sorts of problems? I’m not an expert, but wouldn’t it create an issue with the time space continuum?

Albert: Not if it is done properly. You see we honor our history, however we know that there were certain times that we faced great difficulties. So we time traveled to the past and left clues behind as to how to solve the problems of that particular era. Here is a good example. About 100 of your years ago, we had major communications problems. Everything was wired and it became so bad that we could not go from one place to another without running into wires. So we traveled back in time and left a wireless device. Someone found it, figured out how it worked, and before you know it, we solved our problem.

HK: So did you solve your employment problems by traveling through time?

Albert: Actually, It was a simple matter of communication. I am trying to find the right words to explain it. You have something called a blue tooth that you occasionally wear around your ear. In our society, this blue tooth device is implanted at birth so that everyone is constantly on line. You just slap the right side of your head and you can communicate with anybody, anywhere in our civilization.

(Writers note: I had to stop myself from laughing here. I can only imagine what it would look like to walk through a department store watching people slap their heads to telephone their friends or family).

HK: I don’t quite understand how this would eliminate unemployment.

Albert: Please allow me to finish. Communication is the key. On my home everyone is part of, what you would call a global stock market. Every time we succeed at a quantifiable goal, it is recorded as a transaction on our “blue tooth” device, and a record of that transaction is maintained. Our rating, or as you would call it, market value, increases with each successful accomplishment. I believe your stock market works in a similar fashion. Conversely, if you fail at a task, your rating goes down. What you do, or what you would call your job is based on that rating. Those with the highest ratings get the most important positions, while those who do not, get menial positions, such as cleaning the recycling machines. I would imagine that is not pleasurable employment, even on your world.

HK: Just a thought, where are lawyers in your world’s hierarchy?

Albert: What’s a lawyer?

HK: Just thought I’d ask.

Albert: It is time for me to recharge. Are we almost done?

HK: Just two more questions. First, how long have you been here?

Albert: About 40 of your years. The first person that I met was a writer. Perhaps you know him?

HK: What’s his name

Albert: Kurt Vonnegut

HK: I have never met him, but I have read most of his works. By the way; my last question. Do you mind if I ask you where you are from?

Albert: Tralfamidor.

I thanked “Albert” and terminated the link. I reviewed my notes. No one would believe this interview. I wondered if I should even publish it, as it might actually hurt my chances to land another position. “This is far too crazy”, I thought.

People who read this will think I’ve lost my mind. I can’t let anyone publish this. I figured I am probably better off deleting this piece. Just before I hit the delete key, however, I thought better of it.

What would a writer like Vonnegut think if I hit the delete key? What if Gene Roddenberry threw his work on Star Trek into the paper shredder? Did they even have paper shredders in the 1960’s?

“Maybe”, I thought, “if they read anything from Kurt Vonnegut, they just might understand”.

Maybe, in some other place, this just might make sense.

Good Hunting to all.

-By Howard K. Young, Contributing Writer & Member of The 405 Club.

View all of Howard’s posts here.