Writer’s Preface: This week I read a letter submitted by an anonymous reader who is concerned about her daughter, who lost her most recent position. Prior to that loss she had to endure nine months of unemployment. If the above situation was not enough, she was diagnosed with PTSD, making a tough situation even more difficult.

I was deeply touched by this article due to an experience which one of my close friends experienced a few years ago. After a long period of unemployment, he found a job in his chosen field. Less than one month after he started this position, his father passed away. He followed the appropriate protocol and was given a one week leave by his employer. On the day he returned to work, he was immediately summoned to his manager’s office where he was told that his position was terminated. He had asked for an explanation and was told that New York is an “Employment At Will” state and that the company need not offer an explanation. He tried to get his employer to elaborate, to no avail. It was another several months before my friend secured another position, however the actions of his previous employer angered me. I had asked my friend if he was considering any legal action. His response was negative. All he wanted to do was to go back to work.

There is a saying that time heals all wounds and the passing of time caused me to forget about my friend’s issue until I read the letter in 405 late last week. Although I had planned another submission for today, I felt compelled to write about the letter as it raised so many emotions that I had long since buried.

As a result, I felt that I had to add my own comments in addition to the excellent advice we have provided in our response. As always, my submission appears below.

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As well as being a writer for The 405 club, I am an avid reader as well. I have to say that one of the letters this week touched me very deeply and I felt that I had to add my own thoughts. The letter I am referring to came from a woman, whose daughter has been diagnosed with PTSD. As we all know, being out of work is hard enough. It reduces our sense of self value. It affects us on both a financial and personal level. To take on job search with a physical or psychological handicap makes this task infinitely more difficult…

My deepest respect and admiration goes to those who are taking on the job hunt while battling their own demons, be it physical or psychological. Aside from the excellent advice previously given, I would like to add my comments on the statement made by the writer, who felt her daughter was “losing everything and starting from scratch.” This is a situation that I am all too familiar with. My scenario may not be a match, however I would like to offer it as something to ponder.

In 1995 I had just finished a job search which landed me in a position that I felt was almost too good to be true. The job search was exhausting and I was glad to be back at work. Just as I was getting used to full time employment, I was told that our office was closing. I felt that all the hard work I had put into my job search was a waste of time; I would have to start my search again “from ground zero.”

Although I felt that the time and effort spent in finding that position was wasted, I now look at what happened during that time period in a different light. What I had lost was temporary and replaceable. After a two week “mourning period” I focused on the task at hand. It was not long before I was going on interviews again. Although it took another several months, I landed a position which I held for almost 13 years.

Fortunately, most of the places where I have worked have been fair and benevolent.  I have, however, worked for some past employers where the environment was cutthroat and predatory. It was as if the school bullies that I faced as a child had honed their skills to become a larger threat (albeit psychologically) for the purpose of exploiting the weaknesses of other employees. These employers routinely threatened their staff with spontaneous and harsh disciplinary actions, which included unfair and highly questionable terminations. In those rare cases I have been fortunate enough to have my wife and family (and in one case my physician) at my side to offer me support and encouragement. From a historical perspective, although the job loss was difficult, it was far better to be away from those environments. It was only then that the healing process could really start.

My point is a simple one. Regardless of the length of time your child, spouse or partner has been out of work, the best gift you can offer them is support and encouragement.

Above all, I wish you good hunting.

Best Wishes,

Howard K. Young

Read more from Howard and the Good Hunting series here.