i’ll be honest. i currently enjoy having the time to cook a variety of delectables that i see on america’s test kitchen, make sure all the laundry is done, clean the bathroom, practice the viola, and get caught up on battlestar gallactica. these are definitely things i didn’t have the time to do only a few weeks ago. but, in the long run, i don’t know if that’s going to be enough.

until recently, i oversaw approx. 20 people and supporting one of the largest auto manufacturers in the world. those were some of the things i liked about it. and they paid me well for it. in previous jobs, i had such a sense of pride negotiating with digital publishers and creating unique and interesting digital campaigns. it was exciting, and it was ego boosting.

my friends tell me that i need to find a new sense of pride and not identify who i am with what i do. i don’t disagree, but it’s how i’ve identified myself for so long, at least in my own head.

before, i was an associate director. i directed people and teams. i was in charge of their success and failure, on the front line, with the client. that’s who i was.

so, now, who am i?

i guess its up to me, but anything i’ve thought of does not have the same bite. beginner viola player? novice snowboarder? recreational volleyball/kickball player? thai american princess? i know i’m all of these things, but, as much as i don’t want to admit it, i miss a title.

that leads me to the next related topic, though. a couple of days ago, i received a call from a previous employer. i left on good terms, so it’s always good to keep in touch. they want to consider me for a new position, but there’s a catch. it’s essentially for a demotion. not as a reflection on me, i’ve been assured, but because that’s what is currently have available and i am undeniably capable.

so, is it a consideration? i’m on the fence. i’m 60% no, 10% maybe and 30% yes.

the no is due to :

• progress. the fact that i’ve worked very hard to be where i’m at, and this is a step back. no matter how you slice it.
• pride. i’ve taken compromises to my pride in the past and it’s not turned out well
• leadership. i have almost twice as much experience as the people i’d be reporting to. experience doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m better, but it does account for something, and i do not want to put myself in a situation where the sheep are leading the herder. i’ve lead herders, and most of the time, it has held me back worse than if i’d just followed. the accountability and credit goes to the herder, not the sheep.

maybe has everything to do with my assessed ability to put all the no factors to the side.

the yes is all about:

• $$$: i’m not getting paid to watch the ellen degeneres show and play with fonts on my resume.
• progress: the longer i’m standing still, it will begin to evolve into regression, rather than remaining stationary. while it would be one step back, over time, i could get back to where i was.

i haven’t officially received any offers, but the conversations have got me thinking. i’m not ready to say yes to an official step back, but i won’t rule it out. i might have to check my pride a the door. i sure as hell hope not any time soon, but it could be coming up on the horizon.

-By fellow tumblr willwork4money